Entries in Humor (10)
Click on the dancing bagels below to witness some bagels kickin' it up to a funny song! It cracks me up, and the kids love it! A great song to get in the Hanukkah spirit!Or you can click below to play right here:
Okay, I admit it. I'm addicted to Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, and watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report almost every night! So how can I fail to mention Stephen Colbert's newly released book, "I Am America, and So Can You!". The list price is $26.99, and Amazon is offering it for only $16.19! Not exactly related to Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, but you should get a copy! Stephen has looked it over thoroughly, and he says it is excellent!
Religionizer Button from the Fun Zone in the Religion Chapter
THINGS I DIDN'T LEARN IN HEBREW SCHOOL:
1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
3. No meal is complete without leftovers.
4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
5. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.
6. You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.
7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
8. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Nordstroms.
9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
10. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.
11. Next year in Jerusalem . The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
13. Spring ahead, fall back, winters in Boca.
14. WASP's leave and never say good-bye; Jews say good-bye and never leave.
15. Always whisper the names of diseases.
16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended.
18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida